Shaka vs William the Wallace

Shaka Zulu

Shaka Zulu of the Zulu peoples… Ah, I see what you did there… Yes, the most famous leader of Native Africa as he conquered such great people like…………. Uh, I don’t know. Infact, I don’t know if Shaka IS the best of Southern Africa or if he’s the only one with recorded history since his reign was so recent. Give him credit for recreating his tribe’s weapons to make them more effective, though later on the Zulus did forget about the I and used guns- like EVERYONE ELSE. Nice invitations Shaka, if only they lasted more than 100 years.

Iwisa A stick? Well Shaolin Monks showed how lethal their stick is, as in you have to pummel someone in the face to death to kill them Caveman (oh god, I want to see cavemen on the show). You can throw this stick 3 times and not kill the person, and yet it is still better than the ball and chain because it CAN HIT.

Zulu Sneeze, the Spit of Poison Oh lord, this weapon… Imagine the volley fire, it would look so weird. Uh… spitting into someone’s eyes COULD work… but I would prefer… ANYTHING ELSE. I think ordinary sand in the eyes would be as effective as the Spit of Poison: Praise the Pirate for doing so and getting away with it without filling up a weapon slot!

Zulu Axe Ok, the REAL weapons now… This is one of my favorite axes; light, can stab, makes great spins, and can kill without being slow and powerful. I want to have a Zulu Axe myself!

Iklwa What kind of name is that? “It’s the sound it makes when it stabs someone”, oh cool. Hard to believe that your spearmen would be more effective with SHORTER spears, but it does show agility. Like the Romans, Zulus would block with the shield- then stab. But OH, that shield.

Ishlangu Shield Yes, I want a big shield. Oh yeah, I want it light, but I want it to WORK. “It can deflect musket fire”, bullshit- Knight armor can’t stop musketfire. THIS shield? It can stop light weapons, it cannot stop heavy metal weapons, it’s just too light. This is a thick hide, and it can block some weapons, but weapons are DESIGNED to go through human hide, so this isn’t that different.

Terrain- African Wastelands- I am surprised that Zulus don’t use any long range weapons, but then you can say that they can block arrows with their shields. Zulus have mastered outflanking formations and are able to charge with their extremely fast speed.

William Wallace

I never watched the Highlander, sorry for my pathetic existence. Oh wait, the film’s name is Braveheart, my bad- their characters look alike. Although Wallace got executed, I support the sucessful Scottish independence for some reason. But now-a-days the UK only worries about the IRA… hmm… would William Wallace support the IRA as both want independence from the British? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm make a fanfic somebody mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…..

Claymore 2-handed Swords normally have an advantage with 1-handed swords mainly because of superior length, but make the user vulnerable without a shield. 2-handed styles are most commonly used by heavily armored warriors. Like most melee weapons, the length and lethality determines a sword’s effectiveness, though speed also plays a slight factor. But if your enemy has a sword taller than you, I would think melee combat would be the last option for your enemy, otherwise they would try to save their arse with projectiles and running away. What’s that? Zulu has only one projectile and it sucks? Well Shaka is screeeewed. Yeah- fuck what I said before- the BigFuckingSword gets a spot in my heart if it doesn’t stab someone else’s.

Ball N Chain Wait, this really existed as a WEAPON? The Scottish people know how to turn the Olympic hammer throw into a weapon. I always wondered what damage it could do if it hit. Now I know it can’t hit the broad side of a war elephant… so screw this!

War Hammer The War Hammer is a great club and spike, but it shows some weaknesses that other clubs have. Possibly because of the issue of weight, clubs need a shorter staff than other weapons and so are normally short ranged. Plus they are slow or slower than other weapons. But clubs are able to do damage against armor, which kind of is the point of using clubs. I just don’t see heavy clubs being as useful against light, unarmored warriors.

Targe AND Dirk? Can’t you separate them into two separate weapons? No? Ok… ALL SHIELDS NEED A SPIKE, except for Spartan Shields, they are awesome enough without them. If your shield can kill, it gives the enemy much more to worry about and makes it easier to kill them. Plan and simple. Besides, charging while behind something that protects you is hard to counter I would think. The Dirk? Holy crap, don’t stab me with this shank. I’m surprised that it can classify as a knife because it’s larger than some swords. Though just stabbing downwards is predictable.

Oh yeah, why is it that I cannot find any authentic image of WW wearing his movie facepaint, like the show has him? I guess he would look like William the Conqueror if they both wore the helments, and this would get confusing cause for some reason cause both are from the UK, use broadswords, chainmail and have William as their first name.


Well even though William had light armor, at least he could defend himself. This is very similar to Sparta Ninja, as both warriors had shit projectiles so had to fight in close, but the speedy guy had half of his weapons almost worthless so got pwned easy.

Real Life Situation

Well this would be weird. Zulus would freeze in the British Isles and William would toast in the African heat. Zulu was successful in his conquests; William was not in his rebellion. Though to be honest, I don’t think the Zulu navy would last long trying to invade Scotland, wait- did Zulus have a navy? If Zulu was smart, he would avoid Scotland so England doesn’t notice how primitive South Africa is try to invade it [like in real life]. Yeah, I would rather fight other tribesmen than knights and claymore swordsmen.

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