Aztec vs Zande


Like everyone else, I had no idea what a Zande was. Now I know, now I’m thankful for knowing. One of the few tribal communities still independent (I think…) these dominant warriors of the Congo will bite your head off with their Vampire Fangs. NYUM NYUM!

Kpinga- the PINGAS weapon, as the name implies. Most projectiles I’ve seen have the problem of either accuracy, damage or landing correctly (like how throwing knives only work if you land on the blade, not handle). Kpinga shows in its design that it will always land with leathal damage, even with the handle- lol. If it doesn’t kill, it will disable. But don’t you dare call this a throwing knife. It’s just WAY TOO BIG to be a knife.

Makraka Another ‘knife’ that’s larger than some swords an another weapon that looks like a dick, what is up with that? A one handed sythe that can decapitate instantly without slowing down. The slashing power is great, but it is a large weapon that needs to be very close to the enemy to perform its job. Or, you could just stab someone with the tip, which literally means you are ‘fucking up their face’. It is lethal.

Botto & Pima This bow and arrow is special for being poisonous. However, the pima arrows have very little penetrating power, even against flesh. The user will need to aim at the soft stomach region to kill, which is normally protected by armor or a shield. I don’t know about accuracy, but this is possibly the worst bow on the show without that poison.

Makrigga This is a unique spear design. It can slash and tear into the enemy, unlike normal spears that use a clean stab. The penetrating power is outstanding and is one of the largest 1 handed spears, though for some reason they always show it as a two handed weapon, it can work one handed. Doesn’t matter, the shield sucks anyways…

Kube Shield, oh boy… I found something worse than the Zulu shield! Wicker! The stuff you make old baskets from. WHAT. Can’t stop a wooden sword, can’t stop an arrow, what CAN it do? Maybe stop a sling? Maybe. Worst shield ever.

Terrain- African Wasteland

Aztec Jaguar

Don’t you just love the Aztecs? They execute people on a daily basis for their gods, meaning they committed a genocide that the people actually supported! And those decapitated skulls make great soccerballs,  :\ . I’m still surprised that Cortes was able to defeat the Aztecs so easily, oh well…

Maquahuitl The obsidian edges of this sword/club have an average penetrating power for a slashing weapon, but the sharp breakable edges create huge lacerations and pain. The combination of large size and light weight makes it dangerous at mid range. It does lose its edges in battle, but will not completely break before it kills. If I didn’t have iron age weapons, I want this chainsaw!

Atlatl &Tlacochtli Wow look, an oversized arrow that can travel just as far as a normal arrow! Well then why don’t you use a normal bow!? This throwing spear has a great range, but that’s the only advantage- if only it could HIT at the distance. It has random accuracy at its longest range and can miss at closer ranges. Even when it hits, the impact is not strong due to the small tip and light weight. This spear rarely kills if it can hit, but at least it can pierce a Zande shield (but that shield is as durable as a plastic balloon, so not much of a big deal).

Tecpatl Sacrificial Knife This is a large knife and has proven its sharpness and stabbing power. The stone durability and skill of this weapon is questionable though.

Tematlatl Another sling? Like a normal sling, its accuracy is questionable. Although this is more lethal than a normal sling with its football shape, it still can’t guarantee a kill when it hits.

Cotton Armor- Too bad I couldn’t make this into a coat. I probably could but in Central America, its too hot, so... seriously, no one else had cotton armor? It seems to work… didn’t expect that from cotton. Better than the Kube, that’s for sure.

Shield Yeah, they didn’t say much about this shield. Still better than the Kube obviously.

Terrain- Central American Jungles- I really don’t see why these weapons would be good in the jungle, but the Aztec’s speed and agility will overwhelm other warriors who are slowed downed in the jungle.


The Aztecs were fast and agile, but the Zande are also fast runners. I mean they’re natives who live near Kenya. They will race as fast as Kenyans against actual Kenyans and there will be a tie and they will be deported back to KENYA. The Aztec only effective weapon was the Stone Chainsaw. The Aztecs had one great weapon, the Zande had many good weapons, that was the big deciding factor.

Yes, the worst bow and arrow ever seen on the show wins to the best sling ever on the show. LOL, slings suck.

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