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Review of Season 3

STOP NODDING YOUR HEADS! OMG WHYYYY!? Why does the cameraman zoom in on every host that nods their heads!? There isn’t anything better to look at!? I’m not kidding, look at one of the season 3 episodes and there’s over 7 headnods per episode I think.

And what’s with the evaluation or meetings at the beginning? They take like 5 minutes, and they are BORING until you finally see the scenes of the warriors and experts. Unless that video of the warrior is literally nothing more than using stockfootage from BBC network! Isn’t that copyrighting, or being lazy?

And why did they leave Morningstar Entertainment? I don’t know the company 44 Blue, but it reminds me of the company 4kids. They both start with 4s and the changes they have made to tv series is committing the most sinful crime against those who watch TV and every edit they make demands 1 eternity in the lowest level of hell.

And you know who else deserves hell? Mack. NO ONE replaces Max Geiger, NO ONE. This guy? DULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL. BORING BORING BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORING! Send him to the bottom of hell as well. Hm… I wonder what the bottom of hell would be like… Maybe Hitler and Stalin are playing cards, spending eternity in their violent rivalry. And Mack Machowicz and Alfred R. Kahn will soon be feed by a rabies infested badger… named Pol Pot.

And that’s my review of Season 3, the poison that killed a good tv series.

Now for Napoleon vs Washington

Napoleon

I think the creepiest thing about Napoleonic France is how it is the closest example of a ‘History repeats itself’ with Nazi Germany. Both were military nations that didn’t last long, conquered much of Europe except England, and both were close allies of Russia until they stab them in the back with an invasion- lose a massive chunk of their armies in the Russian winters- and are knocked back home where they got slammed by all the enemies they created in the war. The only difference is that WW2 saw France as getting their asses kicked while Napoleon was French and was successful, then fucked up big time and got their asses kicked. Also you can say Hitler was fighting for racial superiority and power while Napoleon gets hard-ons every time he fights a battle and just would not stop. Hard to believe two successful generals both made the same big mistake- don’t fuck with Russia.

Also, to confirm a few myths. 1- Napoleon’s myth of being short was actually a miscalculation between two different high measurement systems used, making the news think he was 5’ 3” or less. And the British News exploited this inaccuracy like crazy. 2- The reason why Napoleon always posed in his paintings with his hand tucked into his vest (which George Washington also did) was not because he had any habit of doing it. Artists back then could not draw hands accurately, so they ordered their painting subjects to tuck their hands in. 3- Being French does not automatically make you a ‘Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey’. A lot of warriors on this show are French, (Knight, Musketeer, Napoleon Bonaparte , Joan of Arc , French Foreign Legion) and history shows that (except for WW2) France was a successful military power.

1777 Charleville Musket Napoleonic Warfare (yes, that’s really what it’s called) is designed to have army vs army and fire as many rounds of musket fire at the enemy as quick as possible, and this musket would work for that. Accuracy wouldn’t matter when the enemy is in tight formation, you can fire blindly into their crowd and still hit something. But you cannot use Napoleonic Warfare in squad on squad fighting! I’m sure that Napoleon would have changed his weapons if he fought like this, but this show uses his real weapons, and realistically Napoleon never fought squad on squad.

Cavalry Sabre It’s 1800, and for some reason this sword is completely outmatched by Vlad’s 15th century Kilij in ROMANIA. You know, Romania isn’t known for having expensive weapons, so what the hell French man? Otherwise it’s just a dull sabre to me.

8-Pound Cannon GO TO THE CANNON! (or whatever the hell he was yelling) Artillery is really a gamechanger in the art of warfare (Sun Tzu said that… no seriously) because you can deliver more damage at longer ranges than normal foot soldiers. This cannon was scary with the grapeshot, which I think deserved more videos of its testing to show how effective it would be in squad on squad.

Washington

Washington’s tall, holy crap. Yes, I hate modern day America, but only Modern America. Why? Cause there’s nothing heroic about USA anymore, it’s all about the money and oil. I want to go back when America could be truly free and know that their leaders are not corrupt or insane but rather a person to follow. That’s George Washington- a leader who was sane, loved, smart, successful, blahblahblah. He fucked up in the French Indian Wars, actually starting the war by accident, but I guess the pure success of the Revolution shows he learns from mistakes. Learned from his mistakes and kicked British ass!

Brown Bess Musket I find it hard to believe that the older gun, used by penniless rebels, is more effective than Napoleon’s muskets.

Pennsylvania Long Rifle Now for the… RIFLE!? WTF? Why doesn’t Napoleon have a rifle!? Wait, rifles existed back then? THEN WHY NO ONE USED THEM!? Seriously, rifles aren’t muskets, it’s like an entirely different weapon, a HUGE leap in technology and warfare. I know that it has a slow reload, but since you need to be soooooo close for musket fire, you can just pull out the bayonet charge during their reload. So since all the guns are loaded before hand, rifles will obliterate muskets.

6-Pound Cannon Rebels don’t have expensive weapons, mainly cause they don’t even have a real nation and only sometimes have foreign suppliers (yet every terrorist in the Middle East have a lot of foreign help). I honestly thought that this cannon would be crap because its made out of melted bells and statues. It was impressive for guerillas.

Colichemarde I like the look of this sword, thick near the handle for blocking and a light end for parrying and stabbing. A saber vs a sword designed to fight sabers- saber loses. On horseback, a cavalry sword wins over a foot soldier sword. So really it depends on the scenario to determine who has the advantage. So George, just shoot out Napoleon’s horse and force him to fight on foot. ‘Screw that, I have a rifle and he doesn’t. I have the accuracy to snipe that midget in the head at 100 yards.’

Terrain- New England- I lived much of my life in New England, it is crazy. The weather changes 100 degrees from freezing winter to super hot summer. And with the forests, sniping is a breeze. Seriously, snipe a redcoat with your rifle, and ride on your horse before their muskets are inrange, I would love to troll like that, and that’s the troll Washington was.

Match

Lets see, what this American fight rigged? Did George Washington have any chance to lose on an AMERICAN show? Well the fact that Napoleon didn’t have a rifle felt a little bit off. Did Napoleon really NEVER use ANY rifles? He could have used green troops, that would have helped in war!

Oh yeah, why was it soooo close if the rifle was a game changer? Was the cannons also a gamechanger? Well it feels weird, but as long as all matches in the future aren’t THIS CLOSE, then I guess the sim is still accurate. Wait, the other episodes are THIS CLOSE? Fucking season 3…

Real life situation

When Washington defeated the British while Napoleon couldn’t, it tells you a huge difference between their styles and effectiveness. Napoleon would invade America, win conventionally and conquer America, and now face Washington’s rebel army. While facing the American rebels, Napoleon would be like- ‘Washington is a big problem. Lets also invade Russia during the winter!’ Napoleon knew how to make enemies, and would probably be overwhelmed by his weakening logistics and facing more enemies than he can handle [like in real life]. With that, he’ll have to leave America to save his own ass in France, and Washington liberates America! Napoleon lost his war, Washington won his.

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