Teddy vs Arabia

Look, i made a purdy picture! [1]

Colonel and Future President Theodore Roosevelt

I don’t see Teddy as much as a famous warrior. So he won a war, so did the guy who lead the Iraq War yet we’ll never remember him. It’s because like most American Genreals, Teddy won the war by outnumbering his enemy with superior weaponry- the tactic that won every US war outside Vietnam and Afghanistan (yes there were some great generals like Patton, but overall you have to admit America easily overpowers its enemies). Without his badassery and Gatling gun I don’t see much- wait what am I saying, he’s a badass with a Gatling gun- that’s good enough for me I guess. Oh, and he hunted Elephants for sport- take that Hannibal.

Oh yeah, I want to know why everyone thinks the Battle of San Juan Hill is sometimes called “one of the greatest battles in world history”. IT IS NOT. It was just an enormous US army rushing at the Spanish, with heavy US casualties. Did it help the war? Yes. Where the Americans brave? Yes. Did a lot of US troops get slaughtered? YES! Seriously, it’s just a charge. It’s not SunTzu level of tactics.

KRAG Springfield Model 1892-99 Rifle- The fat guy has the lighter weapon? Huh. The slow reload time (one at a time style) will lower a rifleman’s overall rate of fire and can ruin him if he doesn’t get to cover fast!

Bowie Hunter- Never thought I would see the Bowie again but as the SMALLER knife, and y can’t u throw it? At least Teddy doesn’t have the weakness of possible wardrobe malfunctions.

Gatling Gun It costs 400,000 babies to fire this weapon, for 12 SECONDS. The first fully automatic weapon (I think…). I thought the age would make it jam a lot, but it performs better than many modern machine guns, to the point where I see Gatlings superior than single barrel guns. The only reason I don’t see it being used in later years is because it is more expensive and clumsy than the newer guns introduced. Screw that, Brass Beast ftw!

Colonel T. E. Lawrence of Arabia

This guy reminds me of Indiana Jones except he’s an official warrior of an official army, and is British. I want to respect him as an expert tactician, I want to view him as a great adventurer badass, I want to see his movie and I want to learn more about him. I wanted to, but then I found out that Lawrence once lied about getting prison raped by 30 turks… and my response was a flat “…whaaaaaat?” And he also died from a motorcycle accident… again “Whaaaaaat!?”

But I F***ING LOVE his tactic in WW1. Destroying enemy logistics, distracting the enemy, and encouraging your troops (by pi**ing them off) to capture a major enemy fort. Sun Tzu would be impressed.

Vickers Machine Gun- Being in the desert doesn’t automatically mean you have no water for your machine gun, especially since the sim tests ALL environments- they should have tested water. If they did but forgot to put it in the episode, well TELL ME- otherwise redo or P**S OFF (not on the gun- PLEASE). Wait a minute- the jam was a BELT JAM- not from the barrel… oh… Wait- it can jam 4 seconds after firing? Oi- that’s not good! I actually want to know why water isn’t used anymore- and don’t say because its hard to carry- I mean why NO WEAPON uses water cooling now-a-days, including stationary guns.

SMLE Lee-Enfield Rifle- ‘Troops can cock it rapidly’, I’m sure they can. Finally a more powerful bullet with a superior rifle. I really don’t think recoil damage to the shoulder will affect someone doing a quick squad on squad fight. Using a magazine clip really makes your rate of fire faster, which can make up for a slightly weaker accuracy.

Jambiya Knife- Oh lord, please don’t have someone stab me with this knife. Wait, why don’t anyone use this knife anymore? Screw modern knifes, they don’t have class.


WW1 created brand new weapons that revolutionized warfare, but at the same time most of the new weapons were prototypes (no bigger disaster than the Potato Digger or the Chauchat). Gatling Gun was facing trenches, but I don’t think it was logistically adaptable in WW1, which is why it got replaced. But the Gatling is just pure power, and it’s old design is actually simpler which prevents jams. I actually think comparing singlebarreled machineguns with Gatling Guns is just unfair because with more barrels and weight, you have less jamming issues with less recoil. For ONCE, I don’t think American bias was overwhelming in this fight. The superiority of the Gatling is just obvious.

I also want to note that Machine Guns are different from Assault Rifles and Submachine Guns, I will comment this in FFL and Gurkha. Machine Guns can work at Rifle ranges and will obliterate in the effective ranges of the weapon. In the time it takes for a rifleman to shoot 2, the Gatling can fire 10 or 15.

I mean look at the numbers. 10,316 vs 7,544. That's a serious diff...... NUMBERS!? IN SEASON 3!? Are they f***ing with us!?

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