Somali vs Medellin

Somali Pirate

The Somali Pirates are almost identical to the Taliban in terms of weapons. They focus on reliable, destructive and battle efficient weapons, but also cheap ones. These pirates use what is available to them, unable or not needing to buy more expensive and superior weapons. Still, a powerful paramilitary force for today. And like the Taliban, Somalis live in constant Civil War that is being prolonged by NATO, yay! I do see piracy as a serious crime, but it’s just so damn popular with the Somalis now-a-days that Somali Pirates will exist for many years to come. Either live on 50 cents a day, or get $100,000 in 1 day with hostage taking and use that money to move out of your shit home. I go for #2.

Grappling Hook Grappling Hook? Ok… lets see a grappling hook… God, Somalis are dirt poor. This improvised weapon can’t be categorized as anything really- sword, axe, club. Grappling hooks are short clumsy two handed weapons. Something so big, slow and heavy needs to be instantly lethal to be a threat, it is not.

AK-47 Huh… I thought we already did the Taliban. Well they are similar… anyways. The AK-47-The most famous modern day gun today. Despite being too old to match other assault rifles, it is accurate and deadly enough to face other weapons like submachine guns [about 3 times the range at least]. Against a paramilitary, it still has its traditional usefulness and reliability. Against another assault rifle or a true military, no hope in hell.

RPG-7 Ok, is this just a Cut and Paste of the Taliban? Come on. Placing a bomb and waiting for the enemy to trip it is risky, they could kill you first or go around it. This bomb sends its package to the enemy. This makes the RPG more battle efficient than any mine, no matter how powerful it is. Though don’t use this inside a building, too risky.

PKM Machine guns are heavy, and this weight slows you down. Like any machine guns, this one is too slow for closerange. But at a long range, it will stop the enemy from moving, by sheer firing power or sheer killing power. The PKM has a 90-100 reliability (Jams after firing 90 rounds according to test).

Terrain- Shitty Somalia Desert and Gulf of Aden- Only the toughest survive in Somalia; everyone else starves to death or gets shot, that simple. As for the waters, the Pirates risk everything as they attack boats from afar and board them, but getting ‘paid’ (ransomed) thousands of dollars is better than going home.

Medellin Cartel

The Cartel is a unique warrior, they have an unlimited budget but used weapons that sounded good instead of using weapons that are good. The Cartel focuses on making money and goes offensive assassination style, they are not organized to fight squad on squad against armed squads. These weapons are fear based, not battle efficient. Besides the gunners are coke heads anywho.

I’m surprised Pablo Escobar wasn’t talked about more, he was more successful than Al Capone ever dreamed. Then again… the Somalis don’t have any famous leaders so I guess Pablo gets a cameo.

Machete-For a sword, a machete ranks average for a one handed sword. However, using a sword against gunfighters normally gives you a big advantage when the enemy normally would carry a knife. Spetsnaz use Machetes, Jason Voorhees uses one, I want a Machete! Modern Warriors rarely use swords, though even a weak sword like the machete can rack up high kills mainly due to its larger size compared to the more common knives.

Mini Uzi-This machine pistol is light a maneuverable, perfect for close range. Too bad it loses it effectiveness at long range but otherwise is a gun that shows size does matter, smaller is better, sometimes. This is better as a sidearm I would think, due to its short range.

M60 It’s best for stopping armies and changed warfare forever by stopping the use of tight formations, but loses effectiveness in squad fights especially when the enemy can seek cover or also has a machine gun. TheM 60 has a 40-100 reliability, this jamming makes it risky against other machine guns.

Carbomb- Carbomb? Fuck yeah! Good news, it destroys everything in its path. Bad news, destroys EVERYTHING- including your own men. You better have some good bait for your enemy otherwise the only way to aim this weapon without killing ALL of your men is to drive it into your foes Al-Qaeda style. ALLAHU AKBAR!!! The largest boom yet, and possibly the biggest ever. If used correctly, it destroys the entire enemy squad. However, the chance of that is rare in a real fight. The explosion itself has a surprisingly small chance of hitting someone with shrapnel, but the shrapnel that does exist will instant kill. It is really hard to be so close and survive. Make sure you take the fights to the street so your bomb can blend into the parking lot, otherwise it will look suspicious.

Terrain- Medellin (no shit)- They demonstrated how carbombs and uzis are designed to assassinate those in cities. On a motorcycle, a Medellin scicario will zoom in and out while filling you with lead, then drive through the local traffic jam.


Dance to the Momba beat! Lol, I have no idea what he was doing.

Medelin likes bigger booms, which can’t be directed without getting caught in the blast- while Somali can aim their weapon. An uzi drills through enemies, but has no range. The Car Bomb will get your own men killed while you can use the RPG-7 anytime and can aim. A grappling hook- sucks- and almost cost the Somali the fight- but hey… The Somali used weapons designed for war, not weapons that are just cool or scary.

Wait, how the hell did a melee weapon in a modern gunfight score 50 kills? Holy Crap, either the Machete is good or the Hook is bad... or both.

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