Joan vs William

Joan of Arc

OMG a chick on the show, let there be fan boners! Seriously everyone, she’s only 17-19 yrs old and is freaking nuts. She’s a girl, whoopee de fucking doo. Yet the hosts keep jamming that idea into our face, to the point that you completely forget about William the conqueror. I really don’t know how to view Joan of Arc as a historical figure. She either deserves her reputation as a holy saint and saving France, or was really fucking lucky that she was allowed to be a knight AT ALL. PS- she only survived 2 years of war, which compared to everyone else on the show, is kind of pathetic.

French Arming Sword- Joan lacks the range of William’s automatically meaning it is inferior. But with a thrusting style against chainmail, William had less defense sword vs sword. And half-swording is an agile two handed fighting style that gives speed, parrying and blocking. Yes, if you have armor on your hands you can grip your sword. This is why the sword differences are so close, and I like half-swording fighting styles.

Steel Crossbow-The truth is that I don’t know if the larger crossbow is better for every battle because it should be able to penetrate chainmail while Joan’s armor is bolt resistant, meaning the score won’t tell me exactly which is better. But in an offensive siege, you can stay out of the enemy’s range while you fire at him- so in siege battles it IS better. And you can seek cover during the reload behind shields and walls.

Arme De Cannon!- 12 pounder? That’s BIG. It’s heavy weight may not make it a good weapon against squad, cause it is a SEIGE weapon, but armies- it will work like a bowling ball that knocks everyone down, and kills them. I never thought I could see a perfectly round gaping hole in a person, I never thought no weapon in real life could do that- it’s something you see in Wile E Coyote! It seems more accurate than a catapult, cause its strait shooting instead of an arch, and it can bring down a wall easily under a half an hour, maybe 15 minutes- and that’s just 1 cannon. It’s a midevil siege, so half an hour goes by fast. Plus, with that noise you can make your foes deaf, along with your own cannoneers. But since the sim won’t show us ANY FUCKING NUMBERS, then I truly can’t comment on its effectiveness anti-infantry. I don’t know if it sucks like the Ballista or not.

William [NOT Wallace] the Conqueror

Alright Hastiiiings! Wait, the last guy to conquer England was in 1066ad? Huh… I wonder why… Well if that’s the case, it proves how successful William was. And the Normans made so many beautiful and AWESOME castles in the UK………. a few hundreds castles, or thousands…. Wow- even Saddam wasn’t this paranoid.

Composite Crossbow- A faster loading bow does have its advantages against slow- if you want to fire rapid inaccurate volleys then this is your weapon. But I want a projectile to hit its target, and a knight with shield doesn’t have much vulnerable weakspots- so in that day and age I want something more…

Norman Broadsword-Oh, I just mentioned the sword fight situation… well if a longer sword was being half-sworded it could win, but William’s hands aren’t armored to do that martial art. He still has the experience of a skilled swordsman and with that long length it can keep shorter swords away. Yes Joan does have armor, and it will help, but her joints, neck and face are exposed so…

Arme de Catapoolt- Yes you can repair it- no you can’t repair it as the enemy is charging at you. Yes it is accurate (which surprised the hell out of me)- but if you see that thing aim and fire at you- you could dodge it like the Ballista (better be quick though). Oh, I can send the plague to you- now wait 2 days before the disease cripples or kills you- try this squad on squad. Ok, that might help in a siege, infact I would rather do that than destroy a castle I WANT and kill everyone anyways.


Yeah, you’re screwed by the siege weapons, but chainmail can’t stop bolts or a thrusting sword. William’s has trouble thrusting his sword [he needs Viagra] or shooting bolts‘cause it will bounce off of Joan’s breastplate [cause it is scientifically proven that women have bouncier breastplates than men].True that it felt mismatched with an experienced fat guy dueling a highschool girl, but the technological difference obviously countered this. The truth is the superior warrior with superior skill can have a better chance of victory but it doesn’t automatically make you the winner. I think William’s skill did give him enough to almost win, or the Season 3 sim computer always forces the score to be close to a stalemate cause it’s being a douche.

Besides, Joan had other knights with her, so most of the fighting was common foot soldier vs common foot soldier instead of commander vs commander, as is the case in real war, and the French Knights had better armor and weapons than these oldschool Vikings [yes William is a viking]. It’s like how Saddam Hussein has almost no battlefield experience (except a failed presidential assassination and hiding in a hole, both failures) but his troops are still pretty effective (against the Iranians and Kuwait, but got fucked up by ‘MREICA). It’s the troops that matter the most in combat, the leaders are for leadership and tactics.

Yes Joan might have wanted William dead, but you know that someone somewhere on the internet made a shipping fanfic.

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