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Duels on TV

The best and worst visual fights from season 1-3. Also note that I will be moving old blog posts to Fanfiction.net in Deadliest Warrior section in June, so read and comment on them all!

#5 Best/#5Worst

  • Yakuza vs. Mafia for Best

For showing the lawless and merciless attitude of both gangs. Human shields, beating someone with a bat as the ceiling lamp flies around, and a great knifefight with a gangstah style FATALTIY.

  • Vlad the Impaler vs. Sun Tzu for Worst

Why is Sun Tzu a Ninja? He’s a better ninja than the ACTUAL FUCKING NINJA. Kick you in the head, I disappear 2 seconds later. Other than the end and the beginning, Vlad didn’t really shine during the match (shooting a teacup? Really?) It was all Sun Tzu doing some ambush or tactic, that still failed. It doesn’t make Sun Tzu look badass, it makes him look like a pussy. At least Vlad was showing his scary, evil and awesome nature near the end.

#4 Best/#4 Worst

  • Jesse James vs. Al Capone for Best

Yes, fighting in a museum sounded retarded, and for some it was retarded- DON’T HAVE LOADED GUNS, I want to complain to the manager! But I thought it was clever. There was changing of the environments from Saloon, 1920s hallway, office, and western jailhouse- this really kept the fight flowing. The melee fight was NASTY while showing why the brass knuckles sucked- cause it takes FOREVER to kill! And the only duel NOT 1 on 1 ending, good work Jesse and Frank James. Now ride off into the sunset as you try to find replacements for your small destroyed gang.

  • Vampire vs Zombies

The Vampire Design was somewhat lazy, yet the Zombies are so zoomed out that you can’t see one for long. Yeah camera, why do you have a bias to the Vampires? They are NOT the main protagonists here! The HUGE size of the Zombie horde makes the fight take FOREVER… The fact that the Zombies are SLAUGHTERED so easily makes you wonder if Zombies even deserved to be on Deadliest Warrior, or if the Vampires are just ridiculously overpowered. I expected the full abilities and tropes of these two monsters to be shown in the most hyped match-up in Deadliest Warrior history, and I got Headshot Spamming with the Vampire Claws.

#3 Best/#3 Worst

  • Spetsnaz vs IRA

Yes the fire was obviously fake, but I liked the fire, looked like a dragon was ‘round the corner. This fight showed both warriors at their most vicious, but it also showed more than that. The IRA really had to focus on ambushes, but the Spetsnaz showed their weapons were still effective. Both showed strategy and mistakes, but the IRA’s inferior weaponry showed.

  • KGB vs. CIA

SO FREAKING LONG. Also, assassinating? Really? Look, once your cover is blown it will start being a normal gunfight. Well NORMAL it aint, cause most of the weapons are retarded as HELLLLLLLLLLLL. But I give it points for having hot Russian chick, who probably killed more people in the fight than anyone else. Put women in Spetsnaz!

2nd Best and 2nd Worst

  • Somali Pirate vs Medelin Cartel

I guess the most retarded fight has to be one of the best, in the ‘so bad it’s good’ case. Cocaine makes you dance to SALSA and being a pirate makes Abdullah (the first normal guy with a name!)say ARGGGGGGGGGG……. Arg. Oh yeah, why HONK the horn 50 FREAKING TIMES if you are a PIRATE in a CITY? You lucky all the cops are coke addicts, otherwise they would have investigated the CARBOMB.

  • NKSOF vs Rangers

This was so biased to the Americans, the North Koreans looked like they could only kill an American if he was preoccupied. Landmines kill more Americans than actual soldiers apparently! Also, who here thought the North Korean would kill the US soldier without a weapon? In fact, why would the North Koreans ever have any chance to win on a US TV show?

THE BEST FIGHT IS…

  • Saddam vs Pol Pot

Sue me, everyone loves seeing badguys fight, cause we want both to die. I love how Saddam has paperwork, apparently deciding who to kill requires boring documentation. It also shows an interesting concept, being batshit crazy. Why did Pol Pot enter late in the fight, pick up a machine gun, use it, and then suddenly force it onto his soldier AS THEY WERE UNDERFIRE!? Oh yeah, a pistol is MUCH better. Also, I know people were like :| when they saw Sexy Shirtless Saddam……….. I’m going to hell for saying that aren’t I?

THE SHIT FIGHT IS…

  • Every Back and Forth fight

Fights that are nothing more than the warriors scrolling down all their weapons in the shortest amount of time, with almost no actual atmosphere to the fight.

  • The very short Roman vs Rajput (I wanted more spinning!)
  • Genghis vs Hannibal (yeah, get off the Elephant and send him off alone.)
  • George Napoleon (most obvious of all, and why did Napoleon dismount?)

FIGHTS WORTH MENTIONING

  • FFL vs Gurkha
    • BRUTALEST KNIFEFIGHT EVER
  • Crazy Horse Pancho Villa
    • Felt unique and original. LEEROY JENKINS!
  • Pirate vs. Knight
    • Showing the potential of guns over ancient warriors. And no one bitch about the Pirate surviving the Morningstar.
  • Apache vs. Gladiator
    • Being the first, duh. The “Oh shit” moment where the Gladiator pulls out the arrow and yells AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Even the Apache was dropping bricks.
  • IRA Taliban
    • For feeling like a Benny hill chase half of the time. And why a parking lot? I don’t know but it was… weird. Who cares, blow up the fat Taliban! AHHHHHHHHHHH!
  • Aztec Jaguar vs. Zande Warrior
    • Beautiful scenery. And badass Zande for his warcry and being unflinching to the throwing spear.

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